People are full of surprises. Every time I think I know someone, they throw me a curve ball. Frankly, I like it that way. It reminds me that I can’t possibly know what`s going on in someone`s mind - or life, for that matter. It keeps things interesting. More important, it keeps me from judging.
Have you ever been certain of a colleague`s dark intentions only to discover later you were wrong? Have you ever begun a debate on a political issue with friends, certain of your point of view, only to discover a new perspective you hadn’t thought of before? Every time I’m tempted to judge, I remember the number of times my view was narrower than I thought, my knowledge skimpier than I thought, my assumptions more mistaken than I thought.
How self-satisfied we feel when we`ve concluded this person is "bad" and that politician is "an idiot", that culture is "evil", etc. But over time, invariably, more information comes to light that helps us understand the broader context, and softens our big opinions on right and wrong. Seen from a larger view, everything has its place in the fabric of life.
But you already know judging is the easy way out. I`m not saying anything new here. What is worthy of note, though, is how it feels to judge, and how it feels to think the best of someone instead.
Every single time I find something to like or appreciate in someone, I feel great. It`s almost like I’m giving them a present, and so I feel good about myself when I do it. Recall a time when you felt really generous, and bought a loved one a gift – how fantastic it felt when you gave it?
One thing I keep noticing as I get older is there is wisdom in following my good feelings. I noticed it feels way better to give someone the benefit of the doubt, assume the best about them, or appreciate them in some way, so that`s a bonus for me. Interestingly, people are so much nicer and more cooperative when I do that, because they feel better about themselves - so, a bonus for them. I have observed the world is a much better place when I think the best of it. That`s worth pursuing, in my books.
Have you ever been certain of a colleague`s dark intentions only to discover later you were wrong? Have you ever begun a debate on a political issue with friends, certain of your point of view, only to discover a new perspective you hadn’t thought of before? Every time I’m tempted to judge, I remember the number of times my view was narrower than I thought, my knowledge skimpier than I thought, my assumptions more mistaken than I thought.
How self-satisfied we feel when we`ve concluded this person is "bad" and that politician is "an idiot", that culture is "evil", etc. But over time, invariably, more information comes to light that helps us understand the broader context, and softens our big opinions on right and wrong. Seen from a larger view, everything has its place in the fabric of life.
But you already know judging is the easy way out. I`m not saying anything new here. What is worthy of note, though, is how it feels to judge, and how it feels to think the best of someone instead.
Every single time I find something to like or appreciate in someone, I feel great. It`s almost like I’m giving them a present, and so I feel good about myself when I do it. Recall a time when you felt really generous, and bought a loved one a gift – how fantastic it felt when you gave it?
One thing I keep noticing as I get older is there is wisdom in following my good feelings. I noticed it feels way better to give someone the benefit of the doubt, assume the best about them, or appreciate them in some way, so that`s a bonus for me. Interestingly, people are so much nicer and more cooperative when I do that, because they feel better about themselves - so, a bonus for them. I have observed the world is a much better place when I think the best of it. That`s worth pursuing, in my books.
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