I love the idea of a happiness blog. If you knew how much resistance I had to the notion of sharing in a very personal way my hopes and dreams about happiness, my own journey, what I love and what I learned, how to handle stuff that comes up, and what to do when you`re knocked sideways and facing things that are decidedly UN-happy….you`d laugh.
The cover of my book says its contents are about handling conflict – and this is true. The book, if you follow it, will also give you all the tools you need to be happy. We want to handle conflict for a reason….which is, we want to be happier. All those books in the bookstore, fiction and non-fiction, we reach for because we think they will make us happier. “How to (build your wealth, solve problems, create a company, retire early, draw pictures, travel in Italy, etc).” It`s the same with Dancing with Differences….except using the tools to handle conflict are exactly the same basic tools to be happy: lower your resistance, and direct your thought.
It`s consciously cultivated, just like any practice or discipline. So the fun thing for me is this blog gets right to the point. We don’t need a circuitous route to feeling better – we can grab it head-on, know what it is we`re really after, and get right to it!
Did you know you don’t have to seek it?
If I`d known that, I`d have saved 10 years` worth of effort. I had a downtown job years ago. It was a good job as jobs go, but I was miserable inside. Never one to give up, I`d spend my commute time on the train reading about how to get a better life – one that didn’t involve sitting at a cubicle all day. I read a wonderful book by Wylie Blanchett: “The Curve of Time”. The author, an amazing woman, was a widow with 5 young children. Undeterred, she took all of them sailing around Canada`s Gulf Islands every single summer, alone, in their boat. They had scares, scrapes, near-misses, and wonderful adventures, going to new and unexpected places almost every day on each of these summer sojourns.
I was so inspired. ‘What do I have to do to create a life like that?’ I wondered. ‘If I could be free to do things like that, I`d be happy.’ This is the same syndrome as, “I’ll be happy when …._____ (fill in the blank” or “I’ll be happy if….(fill in the blank)”.
What I learned was that the happy has to come first, and that it didn’t come from trying to do things that would take me there. The more seeking I did, the more it eluded me. Funny thing, happiness – all I has to do was look at things differently. Think differently. Create a new habit of thought.
The key to being happy is to transform your thinking. Thinking is all about habit. And transforming how you approach thinking, transforming the automatic habitual approach you had till now, is magic. It changes the experience of life, and all that comes to you.
Try this: When you wake each morning, before you get out of bed, find one thing immediate to you so that, when you think about it, you feel comforted. (For example: My mattress is so soft. Or: My covers are so warm. Or: The sheets feel nice next to my skin.) The thought needs to be simple, and it needs to be connected to your senses, right in that moment. Try to hold your focus on this thing for 10 seconds, if you can. Notice the immediate shift in how you feel.
Congratulations!
You have deliberately focused your thought. You directed your attention, and changed your emotional state simply by choosing to. The power of this simple skill cannot be overstated. Till next time...... happy trails!
The cover of my book says its contents are about handling conflict – and this is true. The book, if you follow it, will also give you all the tools you need to be happy. We want to handle conflict for a reason….which is, we want to be happier. All those books in the bookstore, fiction and non-fiction, we reach for because we think they will make us happier. “How to (build your wealth, solve problems, create a company, retire early, draw pictures, travel in Italy, etc).” It`s the same with Dancing with Differences….except using the tools to handle conflict are exactly the same basic tools to be happy: lower your resistance, and direct your thought.
It`s consciously cultivated, just like any practice or discipline. So the fun thing for me is this blog gets right to the point. We don’t need a circuitous route to feeling better – we can grab it head-on, know what it is we`re really after, and get right to it!
Did you know you don’t have to seek it?
If I`d known that, I`d have saved 10 years` worth of effort. I had a downtown job years ago. It was a good job as jobs go, but I was miserable inside. Never one to give up, I`d spend my commute time on the train reading about how to get a better life – one that didn’t involve sitting at a cubicle all day. I read a wonderful book by Wylie Blanchett: “The Curve of Time”. The author, an amazing woman, was a widow with 5 young children. Undeterred, she took all of them sailing around Canada`s Gulf Islands every single summer, alone, in their boat. They had scares, scrapes, near-misses, and wonderful adventures, going to new and unexpected places almost every day on each of these summer sojourns.
I was so inspired. ‘What do I have to do to create a life like that?’ I wondered. ‘If I could be free to do things like that, I`d be happy.’ This is the same syndrome as, “I’ll be happy when …._____ (fill in the blank” or “I’ll be happy if….(fill in the blank)”.
What I learned was that the happy has to come first, and that it didn’t come from trying to do things that would take me there. The more seeking I did, the more it eluded me. Funny thing, happiness – all I has to do was look at things differently. Think differently. Create a new habit of thought.
The key to being happy is to transform your thinking. Thinking is all about habit. And transforming how you approach thinking, transforming the automatic habitual approach you had till now, is magic. It changes the experience of life, and all that comes to you.
Try this: When you wake each morning, before you get out of bed, find one thing immediate to you so that, when you think about it, you feel comforted. (For example: My mattress is so soft. Or: My covers are so warm. Or: The sheets feel nice next to my skin.) The thought needs to be simple, and it needs to be connected to your senses, right in that moment. Try to hold your focus on this thing for 10 seconds, if you can. Notice the immediate shift in how you feel.
Congratulations!
You have deliberately focused your thought. You directed your attention, and changed your emotional state simply by choosing to. The power of this simple skill cannot be overstated. Till next time...... happy trails!
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